Life...

Take It easy, take it easy Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy Lighten up while you still can don't even try to understand Just find a place to make your stand and take it easy -The Eagles-

And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough. - Janis Joplin

I feel like I am having a quarter life crisis....first of all I realized that next birthday I will be turning 26. Twenty-six?!?! That is closer to 30 than 20....when in the heck did I get so old?! Not to put down all of you people who are older than me....it’s just that somehow this age snuck up on me....that’s all. One of my best friends is having a baby and I am sure that other married friends will have some on the way soon. Oh yeah...married friends?! I feel like I am still in highschool, despite all the ‘life experience’ I guess I have. I feel mature...yet so...I dunno what the word is. I don’t want to relive my University years because I think I lived them pretty damn well, but, I kinda want to live them again. I figure this is a pretty standard way to feel at 25...so I am not looking for a pity party. I need to learn how to be in flux and how to deal when things aren’t black and white and set in stone. As Max Ehrman says in ‘Desiderata’ "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should." And no doubt it is. I am pretty okay with my decision to come back to Ontario next year. I think I am, however, going to experience PITS (or Post-International Teaching Syndrome!) on which my previous Principal is writing a book! The world just opens up to you over here...all these countries are so close by, and you can visit some pretty crazy places simply on a long weekend!! Take next week for example...John and I are jetting off to Dubai. DUBAI!! How cool is that!? I mean, I never would have chosen to travel to places like Singapore and Dubai had I not come to India. The world seems pretty small actually with air travel. A few sleepless nights on an airplane and you are somewhere so incredibly different it knocks you to the ground...and then it just takes a little while for it to seem altogether familiar. Leap and the net will appear.....I love leaping. Will moving to Toronto or somewhere be enough of a leap for me? I think so...I have never LIVED in Toronto...and it’s close to my fam in every city...and I can prolly get some Indian food that is as close to the ‘real’ stuff as possible in Southwestern Ontario!! However, it will likely cost 10 X the price!! Ah well. Hope lots of schools want me to supply teach for them!! Please people...please :) I put these Eagles lyrics above cause I NEED to learn to give myself a break....and stop this perfectionism...I DON’T NEED TO BE PERFECT, I JUST NEED TO BE ME. Sounds like the simplest of mottos, but lately I have been struggling with my sense of self. What do I believe in? How can I help the children in India who are undernourished, undereducated etc, when they make me bananas with their begging and ‘Mah, mah.’ It’s so awful how being in a place like this can make you so angry and so MEAN sometimes. Sometimes India makes me want to hit people, and I NEVER would do it, but it makes me think about it. I know, I know....it’s just different views on things like staring....I think every North American child learns very quickly that staring is rude...but Indian people will stare....and stare..and stare...even if you look them RIGHT in the eye back....but most times lately I am winning staring contests. I think my glare is getting pretty good. I know, I know...poor little me. Poor little me who has enough to eat, a good job, a home, people who love me...poor me. I have a hard time with guilt about my feelings because I feel I don’t deserve to feel angry or sad about trivial things because I have a great life, and have so much more that so many people in the world. But, I can’t put my feelings down.

Feelin' Better Since I surrenderedYou can't Climb'Till you're ready to fallYou're not a land mineYou're not a gold mineNo you're not mine at allSo tell me babyCan you hear me?I sent a message out into the darkIt's a mysteryWhen you're near meI've gotta find my way to your heartI learnt my lessonFirst impressionsMore often right than wrongIt's not a slow danceThis modern romanceFeels like we've already waited too longDon't worry baby 'bout how it should beI sent a message out into the darkI'd rather talk to youAbout how it could beI've gotta find my way to your heart

My favourite books:
- ‘The Kite Runner’ by Khaled Hosseini
- ‘Hey Nostradamus!’ By Douglas Copeland
- ‘Unless’ by Carol Shields
- ‘Love you Forever’ by Robert Munsch
- ‘The Reader’ by Bernard Schlink
- Banana Yoshimoto stuff
- Amy Tan stuff
- ‘A Fine Balance’ by Rohinton Mistry

My favourite foods:
- cheese
- chocolate
- cashews
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal
- wine
- chimichangas and fajitas
- Thai curries
- Indian curries

Current Obsessions: LOST, Aussie wines, figuring my life out
My favourite names:

Boys: Zion, Quinn, Holden, Sebastian
Girls: Sarah, Annie, Corrine, Piper, Sadie, Priya

My favourite things about myself:
- my strong calves
- tummy
- reliability
- trustworthiness (if you don’t have trust, you have nothing else)
- generosity ( I hope.....)
- world curiosity
- strong stomach (I mean for things like roller coasters and crazy food...)

My least fave things about myself:
- tendency to over-analyse
- tendency towards intense bouts of anger at myself for no good reason
- tummy
- the fact I bite my cuticles till they bleed (TMI, I know...)

My salt of the earth: Andrea, Ginny, Milli, Cayls, Sarah, Cheryl, Ash, Porter, Jenny Girl, my Fam and John